Some years ago, I was suffering a slump in my career in information technology. I was not feeling like a valued man in the Sexual Marketplace either, because I was poor and car-less. I saw an ad for a dance instructor at Fred Astaire, so I thought, what the heck, why not?
I applied, auditioned, and got the job. It was ballroom dancing lessons and they were very expensive. I was no expert in Tango, Salsa, and Cha-Cha-Cha, but I had years of classes in school, and I have decent rhythm for a white dude.
Right away I noticed something odd about this racket. I was dancing with older women every night—lonely, rich widows and well-to-do cougars who knew how to dance better than I did. They didn’t need lessons. They were not paying for that but to have intimacy with a man. I was the only male instructor there who was not gay so I was in high demand. I was in my youngish 40s, and these women were typically in their 60s.
The whole thing felt very weird to me. I was basically a gigolo for hire, although if there were cues for extracurricular activities, I did not pick up on them. I’m a little autistic in that regard. I wouldn’t go for that anyway because it’s not authentic.
But because of this experience, where the ordinary, mythical “power dynamic” table was turned, I had a taste of what it’s like to be highly sought after as a sex object—for a change. Not that I capitulated —I didn’t.
I hear women’s grievances about so-called unequal power dynamics but victimhood is not exclusive to them. Every dynamic is an equation, both sides of which are expressed in different but equivalent dimensions and nomenclature. I have had the rare occasion to experience both sides of the equation due to a switch in context in my foreign travels.
In Brazil, the power dynamics exist and are more pronounced, and openly acknowledged. Both sides of the equation are openly understood. This actually accentuated the shadow side of power for me because, from a gringo perspective, the American context seems more murky and homogenized. It’s not really though.
I went to Brazil to escape my woes in America. There, the sexual marketplace is totally different. I didn’t know in what ways or how to navigate it at the time, but I put myself on that path to learn a greater truth.
People there are poor and young men are not established and live with their parents through their 20s. It is not easy for those guys to become a provider. Hence, young women tend to pair with older men to have a family and security.
In many cities there is a tremendous surplus of women. In Goiânia, a city of about 1 million people, there are 50 thousand more women than men. It seems no one knows the explanation for this but I conjecture that many young men don’t live long due to involvement in crime gangs and dangerous living. Brazil, after all, is one of the most dangerous countries in the world, and women especially suffer for this. The rate of rape and murder of women in Brazil is appalling.
But think of the implications and dynamics of this surplus of women: they are condemned to never have a man of their own and will end up mistresses to married men, or celibate old maids married to a career. In the USA, this is by choice.
In Goiânia the women all look like supermodels because they are mixed with Lebanese immigrants. Practically all the famous Brazilian supermodels are from there. At first I was so dumbfounded by these women I was afraid to talk to them. They are everywhere: Starbucks, supermodel. Rental agency, supermodel. Midwinter party (festa junina)—supermodel, supermodel, supermodel!
I soon figured out that in this locale these beauties were not only just “plain Janes” with perhaps not much interesting to say, but in fact, very devalued commodities, tragically. I came to pity them.
I found Brazilian women, in general, to be more honest and sincere than American women. They did not try to hide their psychological defects or complexes. They did not try to be like men.
I had other bizarre experiences in Brazil that grant me some insight into the plight of women in general that I am sure almost no American man has.
For example, while working as an English teacher in the isolated regions of the Amazon, in very poor ghettos, I invariably found myself in high-school rooms with 90% women. The few men there were almost always gay. “High school” here was often remedial, so yes, a lot of these women were adults — often single mothers wanting to finish their diplomas.
Given the surplus of women in the Amazon, they are quite aggressive in catching a man and lose no time doing it. The young ones are precocious by American standards—at least, those of my generation. By age 14 Brazilian girls are unabashedly more sexually experienced than I was at 41. To me, it’s unthinkable.
In one classroom I could have walked away with a bunch of phone numbers but I did not because the basis for a real relationship was not there. The whole environment was very carnal. If you want to know the origins of the Brazilian carnaval, it is a mass mating ritual, actually.
I will never forget the day a class of about 30 women, between the ages of say, 15 and 25, hooted at me, making me blush. Out loud times 30. This is far beyond the sort of thing women endure from men in “civilized” regions.
So I’ve had a taste of what women put up with every day and I think this makes me more sensitive and careful with my behavior around them.
Brazil has a couple of centuries of establishment over the United States. I’ve said it for years: “If you want to know the future of America, it’s Brazil.”
I’m weary of hearing American women complaining about their unequal situation. They should try to compete in Brazil. Trust me, they won’t survive.
Meanwhile, in North America:
"Without conscious intention, women are making society increasingly polygamous. This is a provocative statement, but some of the data bear it out. According to the General Social Survey, one in three men under 30 have not had sex in the previous year -- while only one in six women under 30 have done the same. This creates a ratio of 5 sexually active women to 4 sexually active men in this important age group. Put another way: about 20% of women under 30 are in a polygamous relationship -- whether they're aware of it or not."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pEdOHRbOLY