What Every Man Needs to Know About Women / Trust / Attunement / The Octopus Technique

A Video Thread of Teal Swan

What Every Man Needs To Know About Women

A woman’s baseline is fear

If you fill a room with men and women  and you asked the question: Have you ever feared for your life?

What you'll notice is that a few of the men's hands will go up. Each one of these men has a story about an isolated incident. Like for example, the time they got in a fight when they were a kid, or the time they got in an accident, or the time they were traveling abroad.

What happens also is that every single hand of every woman in that audience will go up in the air, and if you ask the question: "How many of you feared for your life in the last year?"

Most of the men's hands will go down, unless the isolated incident they're talking about occurred within that last year. And again, all the hands of the women stay up.

If you ask the question: “How many of you have feared for your safety in your life in the last month?”

Again, all of the women's hands stay up. And the same thing happens if you ask: “How many of you feared for your life in the last week?” All of the hands stay up.

And this exercise usually shocks the hell out of men. Because this is the one thing that men do not understand about women. And if they did understand this about women, the way they'd behave around them would dramatically change.

Trust 

What is trust and how to build trust in relationships is trust and how to build trust in relationships

Without beating around the bush, I'm just going to come right out of the gate and tell you that in the spiritual field, essentially you've got a whole bunch of people who could never rely on anyone. That's what creates that turn in the direction of spiritual practice, in the direction of God or in the direction of the universe at large is often being unable to rely on the people in their lives.

It's a beautiful initiation, but it also is a coping strategy and so, it often comes with a lot of shadow.

I'll say this more clearly: spiritual practice can be a big fat way of coping with not being able to rely on anyone in your life.

This means that many people in the spiritual fields are going to use universal truths, or invent truths, that justify and reframe that feeling of not being able to rely on anyone or anything into a good thing.

Here are some examples:

“Follow your own guidance system, let everyone else worry about their own guidance system. And then you can trust yourself to act in your own best interest, and you can trust the other person to act in their own best interest too, this way you'll never have to put the power over the way you feel in their hands, you will not be dependent on them to make you feel good.”

Or: “everything you could possibly want or need is inside you.”

Or: “the only person you can truly trust as yourself.”

Or: “the only person who can fill up your cup and make you happy is you.”

Essentially these ideologies, even though they can be really beneficial for somebody from a certain vibrational set point, they portray the idea that there is something powerless or pathetic or less spiritual about depending on someone.

So what's the result? In the spiritual field you have a whole demographic of people that are intensely empowered in their independence, but who have incredibly distant and crappy relationships.

I'm going to make the concept of trust incredibly simple for you. Simply put, trust is:

"I can rely on you to capitalize on my best interests."

…

Now, what's really interesting to note is, just communicating that you have taken the, let's say, effort or care, to put yourself in their shoes to become aware of their best interest, builds trust. Doing this exercise may seem incredibly simple, and it is.

But the thing is,  that this is what we don't do in relationships. Before we take actions or say things we don't think about the other person's best interests. We often bulldoze the other person with our own best interests.

This is what happens in relationships when we are caught in the power struggle. we feel as if we [have] to usurp each other's best interests with our own, or else our needs aren't going to be met because we're not doing what is so necessary in a relationship, which is to hand each other our hearts, and then take responsible care for what we have been given.

Just imagine this for a minute: If you and I were in a relationship, and you handed me your trust, and I took care of it and I handed you my trust or my heart and you took care of it, we wouldn't have a problem would we? We’d be caring for each other’s best interests. 

Attunement (The Key to a Good Relationship)

The Octopus Technique

Attunement (Step 7)

When we are born we cannot conceptualize ourselves as separate beings from our parents, mom especially. 

We think that we are an extension of the world around us. This is because we just came from oneness. We can't comprehend separateness yet.

As we grow, we gradually develop. We understand that we have autonomous desires, autonomous needs, preferences. This is when the table flips, and instead of us experiencing ourselves as extensions of everything around us, we experience everything around us, as an extension of ourselves.

When we transition into this phase of development, we essentially develop an egocentric world view.

I want you to imagine the average two-year-old. The average two-year-old has an egocentric worldview. They are the center of the world around them, and the world around them is an extension of themselves. This is why they take so much responsibility as children.

For example, Mom and Dad got a divorce. "It must be because of me."

The two-year-old does not practice considering externally yet, and so when the two-year-old cries, it's not really concerned with the effect that has on Mom or Dad, it's concerned with expressing the way that it feels.

Some of you may have seen a two-year-old interacting with a little baby kitten or a puppy.

Let's pretend the two-year-old is interacting with a kitten. The two-year-old doesn't really conceptualize of the way that the kitten feels yet, so the two-year-old goes over and it picks up the kitten by the neck because that's the most convenient way for a two-year-old to pick up a kitten, and when the kitten starts squealing and writhing around in pain and distress, the two-year-old doesn't know what's happening.

So let's pretend that Mom and Dad don't intervene, and this two-year-old keeps holding the kitten by the neck and eventually the kitten dies. The two-year-old is going to be really confused about what just happened there. The reason is that the two-year-old wasn't attuned to the experience of the kitten.

Attunement is being or bringing into harmony a feeling of being at one with something.

The best way to imagine attunement is to imagine sitting in your car and reaching out for the radio dial. If you want to hear the music being played at a specific frequency like 98.2 FM, you tune your own radio dial to 98.2 FM, and then you will hear the music.

Your own radio dial needs to be brought into harmony with or become one with the radio channel you want to receive, in order to perceive that radio channel.

If you want to see someone, hear someone, feel someone, understand someone, you need to attune to them. You need to tune into their frequency, tune into them so that you are able to feel or imagine the other person's emotional experience to understand what they are feeling.

This is what allows you to know what to do in any given situation to end conflict, or to improve a situation, or to assist someone.

Attunement is what gives rise naturally to empathy. You don't have to work on empathy if you can completely understand someone else's perspective and the way that they feel. 

However some people, even though we would love for it to happen naturally on its own, some people do not evolve out of that egocentric worldview that is so common to early childhood. They stay in it.

In fact the most dangerous people in the world are people who are not attuned. They are trapped in the egocentric bubble. They are not much better than the two-year-old running around with kittens holding them by their neck. Only this time, those kittens are people.

When you are in a relationship with this kind of person, you end up feeling lonely, unseen, unheard, unfelt, misunderstood and ultimately abused. You will feel like you're living in an entirely different reality than the other person.

You will feel this way because you quite literally are, living an entirely different reality than the other person, which is why when you express the fact that you feel abused by them, they will have no idea what you mean, any more than the two-year-old has any idea that they were the one that killed the kitten.

Essentially you and this person are on entirely different frequencies, and they're unwilling to tune into yours. It's the same as trying to find harmony when you're on 98.2 FM and your partner is on the 5:30 AM station.

So much about the development of attunement has to do with the way that we are raised. We learn to be attuned to other people, when other people are attuned to us.

Ask yourself the following questions:

"Do I feel like my parents understood me when I was little? Or even tried to understand me?"

"Did they see into me and feel into me and have empathy for me, and adjust their behavior accordingly or not?"

"Did they acknowledge how I felt? Or did they invalidate it, telling me I shouldn't feel that way?"

"How did my parents treat me when I was cranky, frightened or upset?"

For the sake of your own understanding, once you finish this episode, I want you to watch my video on YouTube titled:

The Emotional Wake-up Call

 

The Connection Process

How To Connect With Someone

Full Article: https://tealswan.vip/howtoconnect

What Every Man Needs To Know About Women 

What Men Do

Own People! (How To Take Ownership of Your Relationships)

For thousands of years women were seen as property just like a man owning land and as such, that man had ownership over the woman. But most men did not take women as part of themselves, in this ownership. They did not consider the best interests of their wives or daughters or even sons for that matter, they just took possession to mean, they get to control them however they want. They were totally in the form of shadow possession.

But when the feminist movement came through and demolished the idea that a woman is the property of a man, men were forced to relinquish possession of women. Now this is the thing: When men relinquished ownership over the women, they didn't just relinquish the shadow side of ownership. They also relinquished the light side of ownership.

It was almost like they said: "Okay well, I won't own you as property then, but I sure as hell am not going to own you in any other way either.

Relationships between men and women have suffered immensely. Women really enjoyed that sense of containment and that sense of protection that comes with the genuine ownership of divine masculine. No, they didn't like being controlled, but they enjoyed being owned.

Now what do we see is one of the top complaints in couples therapy now? It's women saying that the men in their lives take no responsibility for them or their children whatsoever. Many women feel their men don't take direct responsibility for her well-being. The man is hands-off.

Now, to many women it feels like either being in a relationship alone, or like the man's another child, or like she's being exploited by him. 

It feels like instead of really owing her and the family as his own and therefore providing containment and taking care of them through his own volition, he lets her do it all, and simply participates to the degree that he is either nagged to do it, or if he can get something from her like sex.

You may hear women complaining a lot about: "Where have all the Cowboys gone?" or loving Jane Austen films. What they are actually looking for is this quality in the masculine. 

If you are interested in trying to understand the energy of true ownership, I suggest you watch a movie titled Rob Roy, in which the main character, Rob Roy, portrays masculine ownership, whereas the villain in the movie, Archibald Cunningham, portrays the exact opposite: non-ownership.

Watch this movie with the idea of ownership of others specifically in mind. But keep in mind that at this time period people did not understand the idea of ownership of all things, including one's enemies as part of themselves.

This is a graduated conscious understanding.

Rob Roy - “Honor” 

“Women are the heart of honor”

Rob Roy - “Love is a dunghill”

Quite like orphans, illegitimate children, the black sheep of the family, kids who suffer from emotional neglect.

When children are in any one of these positions, no one owns them, so as to become genuinely invested in their well-being.

No one takes them as part of themselves and so they feel they do not belong,

Own People (end)

What Every Man Needs To Know About Women 

An emotionally unavailable man CANNOT create safety  for a woman

It's very important to note that if you're an emotionally unavailable man—and trust me, most likely if you are an emotionally unavailable man, you are not even to be able to admit it to yourself—but if you are an emotionally unavailable man, YOU CANNOT create safety for the woman that you're with.

Why? You're not there for her, so you're not trustworthy. Also it will end in a woman feeling alone in her relationship.

Remember? I have talked about this over and over in all my videos. Alone, to a human, and even more so a woman, equals unsafe. You will be signaling to that woman (by being emotionally unavailable) that you are unsafe and it is an absolute guarantee that this relationship will end.

Let's just be honest: It is not in fashion, in a world that sees fear as weakness, and in a world that will shame you for feeling fear, for women to admit that this is the actual baseline of their experience. We are so acclimatized to feeling fear that if you ask the average woman: "Are you feeling fear all the time?", they will be like: "Mmm, no not really." 

Why? Because she doesn't even notice that her baseline is fear. It's difficult for women to even acknowledge or admit to the fact that she lives in a state of fear for her physical safety and well being—as well as emotional safety and well being—nearly constantly.

We are praised if we play the tough girl. We are praised if we say we don't feel fear. We are praised if we don't need a man. A strong woman is seen to be a woman that does not exhibit fear. But as a result, men have no idea what is going on with us. They don't get what a woman needs because it isn't socially acceptable—since the women fought to get rights and be considered equal to men—for women, to tell them what is going on with them, which is fear.

But perhaps this will shift a little bit of your thinking around this fear automatically equating to weakness, right? Bravery is not weakness, is it? Bravery implies fear. It can't be bravery unless there is fear present. And bravery is something that all women have. 

Why? Because we are living in a constant state of fear, and living despite that fear. 

As a man, you have got to accept this reality of fear as a baseline of a woman's experience. Even if a woman does not act demonstratively afraid, she will respond to you behaving in a way that insures her that you will dedicate yourself to her feeling safe, especially with you. 

Ask yourself this question: If I one hundred percent accepted and knew that fear is what this woman was experiencing in this situation, and genuine fear, not fear that she shouldn't be feeling, "How would I speak and act differently?" There is nothing that is sexier or more desired in this world to a woman, than a man who is always looking for ways to reassure her of her safety and well being.